Strength Renewed

When we go to a restaurant I spend way too much time deciding what to order.  I ask everyone else at the table what they think sounds good.  After much internal debate, and a request for the server to come back to me after going around the table, I order.  Seconds after the server walks away I have orderer's remorse.  Super trivial, I know. 

Making decisions isn't my thing.

I do much better with decisions that are completely out of my control.  Learning to roll with it and make the best of it, that's more my thing.

Even more difficult than making decisions for myself is making decisions that will impact my children and their lives forever.  Names? Ahhh!  Where to send them to school?  Ahhh!  

The last five weeks have been some of the most difficult for me.  Not only did Kevin and I have a big decision to make for our sweet Gabe, there wasn't a good option.  So, with two not so good options, we put them to the test.  We weighed the risks, the facts, and the opinions.  We met new doctors and therapists (mostly in search of someone who would validate my fears and agree with my plan to protect our babe from any more surgeries EVER).  We started new routines and medicine plans in hopes of a temporary solution.  With everything on the scales we needed to make a choice between two unfortunate options.  We struggled. More than just asking around the table (although we did a whole lot of that) we begged God for wisdom. Then, when it seemed our answer was as clear as it was going to be we prayed for peace.  

Writing about it here, sharing Gabe's story over the phone, calling in "our GEMS" via email and facebook, telling our neighbors we would be gone...

...I couldn't bring myself to do it.  Not this time.  It seemed a little too much like making my order and I wasn't ready to just be okay with what came out on the plate.

Today as we adjust to a new normal here at home it is time to accept what is and trust this prayerful decision was best for our babe.   

 

{post op, 3.13}

Last week Gabe had a lumbar laminectomy with a spinal cord detethering.  The surgery went smoothly.  While the symptoms he was experiencing will likely not reverse, the best potential outcome is to stop the deterioration of bladder and kidney function, and to provide relief from the pain in Gabe's feet and legs.  The risk of the surgery was loss of movement.  We are five days into recovery and Gabe is strong and courageous, and willing to admit what his momma couldn't "I'm afraid."   We hope for the best, trusting this is part of His plan for Gabe's future.

{post op day one, 3.14}

 

 {post op day two, 3.15}

At this point Gabe's pain is well managed with medicine.  His entertainment is well managed with fun new toys, great balloons, and cheerful siblings. He has found the strength to push up on his arms, move from laying to sitting, and to rock on all fours.  It may be days{maybe months}, but we are praying he finds the strength to weight bear on his legs again. We have always been aware of what a gift his mobility was, how hard he worked to get where he was, and how quickly all  that could change on this SB journey.  

{post op day four, 3.17}

We will praise Him in the recovery, knowing that no matter what our Gabe will soar on wings like eagles (...but, oh boy!, are we hoping he will learn again to bounce and not grow weary).

{crazy bounce 3.12}

Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31